Really, Lent doesn't have to be about cutting out creature comforts.
It's about doing something that builds discipline in some way, and refraining from gossip can build a mental muscle to be proud of.
Some gossip is ok. Just talking (in a good or even neutral way) about someone's new shoes or clothes is fun, informative and interesting.
However, when it's negative (you know, the gripe-y kind) at best it lets off steam for a short while, but in the end whatever the issue is remains unresolved. At worst it can develop into a form of social bullying: drives a wedge between people; hurts careers; reputations and worse.
I learned a great definition of Negative Gossip somewhere. The following example sets it up in a few paragraphs, but hopefully it'll help you to "get it".
I will use a teen girl as an example:
It starts with the idea that people thrive (emotionally) because of the way people listen to them. We've all been there: when everyone "clicks".
So for our teen girl, animated, engaged conversation and bonding happens when the teens are listening positively to what she is saying, and because everyone is "heard",. Now that's living! It's being loved, really.
Then someone decides not to be as accepting and takes issue with something, or she is judged for some difference. Or whatever. In other words, there's some underlying complaint that begins that "negative" gossip. The teens who hear it are swayed and our girl is "listened to" differently by all of them. She is judged with each repetition, and loved a little less. It's hard to stay out - some teens start listening for flaws in her opinions, and pretty quickly the "good" listening is gone. Some ignore her, others feel justified in getting aggressive and gossiping more, and it can turn into a general humiliating nightmare for our girl.
We've all personally experienced the loneliness and invisibility in this situation at some time in our lives, sometimes as a teen, but make no mistake adults engage in it just as much, with a more subtle flourish.
So, after that long, long set-up, here's the definition:
"We exist in others listening of us, and gossip is speaking of a person to others such that the listening of that person is diminished."
This Lent I'm going to go ahead with my usual eating habits. Instead, over the next few weeks, I will notice if in any way gossip has gained power over me. To practice noticing my own gossip just as it starts to pop out of my mouth, to make a hard stop. Then to explore other ways to keep the conversation going with that other person.
Building that mental muscle, and somehow turning it into a lifelong habit, will be worthy of my Golden boy.
